A Monster
by LunaShadowWolf13
Summary: Merlin is drowning in his emotions. He cannot shed tears, only feel rage. Can Arthur save him, or will he be lost forever? DOES NOT contain season 4 spoilers. T cuz I want it to be.


**A/N- I was listening to this song, and immediately thought of Merlin. Hope you like it. If enough people like this, I will probably make this a series of sonfics without season 4 spoilers.  
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**I KNOW! I MUST GET WRITING MIND GAMES! I WILL HAVE IT UP AS SOON AS I CAN! **

**The song is Monster by Skillet.  
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**I'm not in a very good mood today, and that is what partly contributed to this.**

**This one DOES NOT have any season four spoiler, though it does have spoilers for season 2. This is set after season 2 but before season 3.**

**Now,**

**Benugan!**

The warlock felt the vase slip from his fingers as the door banged open. It fell, shattering on the prince's floor. Silently he cursed.

"Merlin!" Arthur yelled. "You imbecile! That was my favorite vase!" Rage boiled inside the young man, really, why did the prince get so uptight? He didn't have to continually save the whole kingdom, knowing that if he was found out that his life would end, so why was he always complaining? He didn't have to serve a complete unic!

"Why don't you clean it up yourself if I am so incompetent then, _Sire?_" Arthur's eyes opened wide. Merlin felt his magic boiling and pushing its limits, rising to meet his emotions. Lately they had been harder to control, catching him unawares with the sudden flares of strong hatred or anger.

Probably had something to do with how everyone he cared about died because of him.

He felt like a monster.

_The secret side of me, I never let you see  
>I keep it caged but I can't control it<br>So stay away from me, the beast is ugly  
>I feel the rage and I just can't hold it<em>

Arthur continued to stare at his manservant in shock. "What?" he finally asked.

"Just stay away from me," the warlock growled.

Merlin walked out of Arthur's chambers. He was just so tired of it. Arthur never saw it, never saw how he suffered. He was done crying, all that was left was anger. He knew it would make itself known soon, and didn't want that to happen with Arthur there. The warlock did not want to lose control and hurt the prince.

It was crawling up to the surface, bubbling to a head, and Merlin knew he had to dispel as much of this feeling before he ended up razing Camelot to the ground from his pure emotions.

_It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls  
>It comes awake and I can't control it<br>Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head_

Arthur stared after him, seeing the rage hidden in his eyes. Just before he left, he heard the words. "_Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?" _No knowing what to make of it, he left it alone.

He soon found out that was a mistake.

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
>I must confess that I feel like a monster<br>I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
>I must confess that I feel like a monster<p>

Merlin shot waves of raw magic at the cliffside. It crumbled, shattering under his force. A few pieces actually almost hit him. So much rage had built inside of him, it felt like it would burst out.

The warlock didn't know how much time passed before the feeling finally subsided some. Eventually it did crawl back inside. He sure felt like a monster, destroying things like this. No matter how he tried, his magic always came back, clawing at his mind and body.

Merlin knew it was not good, far from it, but just couldn't seem to get rid of the feeling permanently.

I, I feel like a monster  
>I, I feel like a monster<p>

Arthur followed his manservant out of the city. He had been missing all day, only to come back to serve the prince dinner and disappear again. He had noticed the look of hidden rage and spite in his eyes, and was truly concerned for his friend. His guardian angel.

The prince knew about Merlin's magic, but had decided to wait until he either trusted Arthur enough or gained the courage to tell him himself. Since the dragon attacked Camelot, however, he had receded and become more distant. To tell the truth, it scared Arthur.

Therefore, he was not surprised that Merlin was using magic, but he was shocked at the way he used it. A giant lake lay before them, (not Freya's like Gaius had told him, Arthur noted) and Merlin was whipping the water with fierce wind, a torrent of rain, and the occasional bolt of lightning and clap of thunder. It was the first time he had witnessed Merlin not using magic for something good. It was a terrifying sight in all honesty.

Suddenly, Merlin yelled out. He screamed, and a ring of trees closest to the lake completely obliterated. The prince was quite glad he was not behind one of those.

My secret side I keep hid under lock and key  
>I keep it caged but I can't control it<br>'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down

Merlin screamed out. He was just so tired of it all! No sympathy, no thanks. He got nothing for everything he did. He had to not only hide his magic, but this secret side of him too. At first he had thought he could control it, but it just built and built until it was unbearable. And he could never truly let it out, no. He would surely be destroyed if that happened.

The warlock bellowed, "_Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?"_

He fell to his knees, gripping the grass underneath his fingers. He whispered, "I can't do it. I just can't."

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
>I must confess that I feel like a monster<br>I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
>I must confess that I feel like a monster<em>

Arthur got up and began coming towards Merlin. He stopped just short when he heard,

"I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
>I must confess that I feel like a monster<br>I, I feel like a monster  
>I, I feel like a monster."<p>

Tears slid down Merlin's cheeks. He was a monster, destined to hurt and kill in the name of creating the Once and Future King. He was stuck in the dark, with nowhere to run.

No escape. No matter how loud he screamed, no one heard his cries.

It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp  
>There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart<br>No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream  
>Maybe it's inside of me,<p>

" _Stop this monster!" _he screamed.

A warm hand landed on his shoulder. Merlin flinched, shrinking back. However, he was gathered into comforting arms. They pulled him into a warm embrace as the tears continued to fall.

"It's alright," he heard. Vaguely he noted it was the voice of the prince. "You are not a monster, Merlin. You never have and you never will."

The warlock didn't even bother pushing away, choosing rather to tell him, "Oh, but I am. A monster. More than you'll ever know."

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
>I must confess that I feel like a monster<br>I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun  
>I must confess that I feel like a monster<p>

"No, you're not. I know about you're magic, Merlin." The young man stiffened. Arthur just held him tighter. I know all the times you have saved me, innocents, and all of Camelot. No one who does that could ever be evil. I know what you've had to sacrifice."

"Please, Arthur," Merlin whispered desperately as he fell limp in the prince's arms. "Save me from this monster."

"I already have, Merlin. I already have." It was true. No more did he feel the rage, the crushing feeling. And he knew it would never truly come back.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin  
>I must confess that I feel like a monster<br>I've gotta lose control, he something radical  
>I must confess that I feel like a monster<br>_

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

The prince smiled down at him. "Your welcome. Just remember that you are not alone, and I will always be by your side. Always."

"I know," Merlin whispered. "Always."

_I, I feel like a monster  
>I, I feel like a monster<br>I, I feel like a monster  
>I, I feel like a monster<em>

Never again did he feel the horrible crushing guilt, the rage that wouldn't go away. Arthur, his best friend, would always be there for him.

Always.

Merlin was not a monster.

**A/N- So? Did you like it? Hate it? Just thought, "Meh"? Please tell me!**

**Please review!**

**~L~**


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